I'm in Discovery, not Recovery
This weekend I ran half a half marathon with a friend - I ran the first 10.5kms, she ran the second. A bunch of us from the gym ran various distances, getting up at 5:30am on a Saturday morning and paying $90 for the privilege.
One of the many things I've discovered about myself since I got sober is that I absolutely hate running. I didn't train for the race because I find running incredibly boring, but I was pretty happy with my time of 1 hour 9 minutes all the same. I have now decided to retire from the sport and will be looking for other things to take up my time instead!
And that's the beauty of sobriety. Because now I have the time and the energy to find new things to do. Because now my days aren't taken up with planning drinking, actual drinking or recovering from drinking. There is so much opportunity in 24 hours these days!
Back when I was in the depths of my alcohol addiction, my only hobby was drinking. And as sad as it sounds, that's kinda what I was known for. Yes, I owned two very successful and busy restaurants with my ex-husband; yes, my kids were (mostly) well looked after, they ate home-cooked meals almost every night I wasn't working, were well dressed and got lots of love and cuddles; yes, on the outside everything in my life was going really well. But outside of these things, I didn't do anything unless it revolved around drinking. My consistency with fitness was fairly non-existent - some weeks I would exercise 3-4 times, others not at all. And any time I did do any kind of workout, I would usually celebrate with a few beers or a bottle of wine because, ya know, I'd earned it...
When I gave up drinking, I didn't really know who I was without alcohol. A regular drinker since the age of 14, my last real hobby was probably a sport or something I'd partaken in at school. It took a while for me to realise that, now that I had all of this free time, I could kind of do what I wanted with it.
I initially needed to keep myself distracted at particular times of the day, usually around dinner time or in the evenings. I couldn't go out because the kids were in bed so I decided to teach myself how to crochet. Every evening, I would sit there with my umpteenth cup of tea (I used to boil the kettle every time I got a craving which resulted in me sometimes drinking 10-15 cups of tea!), making little granny squares out of brightly coloured wool. I was hoping to find it therapeutic and relaxing, but I was really impatient with it, so this hobby didn't last long!
When I left my marriage at the start of 2023, almost a year sober, I relocated to a town where I knew nobody. This complete life upheaval could've resulted in me turning back to the booze to cope, and it was definitely very tempting at times.
But instead I decided to make the most of the opportunities a larger town offered. I joined a group fitness gym and made a commitment to myself to go every single day. It did wonders for my mental health and my consistency has really paid off. I also started going for hikes up nearby Mount Taranaki (I actually hiked the summit solo on my 1 year soberversary), and cold dips in the Tasman Sea followed by wood-fire sauna sessions on the beach.
I joined a burlesque dance group and painting classes, took evening courses and completed studies including a Personal Trainer certificate. Because of this, I've had a complete change of career and now work as a coach at the very gym I joined when I first moved here.
I used to think sober people were so boring. I honestly thought that everything revolved around alcohol and couldn't understand how people got by without it. It's understandable when I was drinking from the age of 14 - I had never given myself a chance to discover who I really was and what I really enjoyed. I have learned so much about myself in the last 3 years since choosing a life of sobriety. I know what I like and what I don't like (running & crocheting), and have learned to just accept it and move on. Discovering yourself, even in your 40s, is a beautiful thing and anything but boring!